Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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