i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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