Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
