and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
