C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
