last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
