Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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