so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
