The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
