some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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