Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
