You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
