dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
