I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
