i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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