dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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