Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
