Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
