just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
