Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
