a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
