If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
