Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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