I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
