I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
