Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
