is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
