Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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