break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
