i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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