Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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