i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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