I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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