So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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