we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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