i will never coherently bang her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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