I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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