Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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