Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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