idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
