remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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