So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
