My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
