I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
