he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
