just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
