Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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