My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Success! We fucked roommates!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
