then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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