Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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