I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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