guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
