just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
