At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
